I’m really bad at being sad. Whenever I’m sad or upset, I manage to make everyone around me sad, and also mad at me. I don’t want that to be a thing any more. And I know it is indeed how I deal with things, it’s not the people around me, because it’s literally everyone. I’m not abused or something. For awhile I wondered if that was it, but it’s too constant. I surround myself with very good people who treat me well. The constant here is me. When I’m sad… I get abusive. I abuse people by being sad around them. I’m not sure exactly what I’m doing, but I want it to stop. I don’t want this. I don’t want to ruin other peoples days because of my emotions. It’s something about how I process the emotions- I just deal with sadness and self-anger really poorly. Does anyone else have problems with this? How did you get over it?
You probably heard this saying before: “misery loves company” and it’s totally normal to behave in a vengeful way, directing your negativity in every which way. We do this in order to vent, to maintain a low level of stress despite causing havoc around us. It’s not always a good thing so it’s important to identify your feelings and to think before you act once you notice that you are being emotional.
I’ve done some reading about emotional behavior and how to manage one’s own reactions to their own “emotional episodes”. It’s very important to keep a journal for this. Think back to the moments when you started feeling sad, angry, aggravated, etc. Then remember what caused those feelings, and it’s important to listen to your body. Our physical state immediately translates the way we respond to a situation before our rational brain can process the new information. Call it instinct, or the lizard brain. And remember how others perceive you while you were acting emotional. Their reactions to you are important indicators that you were not acting “as yourself.”
Once you’ve identified your emotional triggers, practice taking the time to react differently about what makes you sad or angry or afraid. It’s not easy at first, but day after day (and writing it all down in your journal) you’ll see that, as you lengthen the time between trigger and response, you’ll manage to have a better control of your emotional reactions.
Having spent my teens and early 20’s in goth/metal environments have made me develop a sometimes unwanted magnetism that other people find hard to resist.
And I hate it when I seem to attract random people’s attention even though I’m not doing anything to be socially present in the work place.
In need of real friends
So right now the only person I ever send texts to is a coworker who dumped her freeloading slacker boyfriend and disconnected from all of her social networks. She’s viet and kind of a geek but we don’t have much in common outside of movies and the same brand of cell phone. Also she loves cats.
Damnit, I’m sounding like I’m putting up my only real-life friend for adoption.
Failed a concealment patdown test this morning.
Felt okay about it, because I performed as expected. Also I wanted to look tough and confident.
But then felt shitty about myself because the handsome Shepard-lookalike team leader tried to cheer me up.
Damn you, Mass Effect.
- Passenger: I'm a salesman.
- daesaurus: What do you sell?
- Passenger: Computers!
- daesaurus: That's cool! What kind?
- Passengers: Macs, mostly.
- daesaurus: GET AWAY FROM ME!!!